My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
