He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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