i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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