somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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