before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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