Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
