My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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