The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
