i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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