He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
