I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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