I met the friendliest cop last night
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
