It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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