I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Randomize
