So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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