I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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