"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
