I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
