I feel like I'm in dance class right now
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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