After last night, I could never be a politician.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
