Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize