I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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