I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize