I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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