dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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