I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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