think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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