All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
