happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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