White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
