I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
