Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
