i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
