My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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