just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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