I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
