it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
YAS. BRING CRAB.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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