we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
