Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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