honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
