I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
