he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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