please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
