never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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