i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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