Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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