wanna go halves on a baby?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
