I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I smell like Dick and happiness
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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