I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize