I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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