i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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