Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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