no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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