don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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