I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
