We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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