I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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