Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
