What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i will never coherently bang her
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
