I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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