I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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