you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
