ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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