Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
