My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
