ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
