Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize