I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
me + whiskey = a bad person
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
