Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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