You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
