after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
