So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
