Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
