From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
