I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
